Diary of a Diva

Judgerella (Tantrums & Tiaras)

“Oh!” David said, in a way that meant I was supposed to ask, “What?” So I did. Still staring down at his phone, he said, “It’s an email from Megan from Adobe, we met her last

Dick Cheese’s Audience Sucks

I pulled the car to the curb directly in front of the entrance to the House of Blues and congratulated myself for yet another punctuality coup. “The early bird gets the…nest,” I said to David with

Pocket butler

David appeared beside me in our home office, presumably having followed the sound of my curses from the other room. “What’s up?” “It’s my laptop charger,” I said. “I’ve tried it in every outlet, and it’s

SYM-phony (Try to say “symphony” with a straight face)

When Jenny asked me what I was doing later, I hesitated to answer. I knew there was no casual, comfortable way for me to say it, and this sister of mine has the quickest wit

Cocktail Caviar (playing with molecular gastronomy)

“I brought the emotion blender,” Jordan said with a smirk. He held up a box containing his immersion blender, which I’d erroneously thought was called an emulsion blender, and which my phone autocorrected to emotion blender when I’d texted my

Public Mastication (Stop Moralizing My Food Choices)

Basic etiquette tells us there are three subjects one should refrain from discussing at work, with casual acquaintances, or around the holiday table: sex, politics, and religion. Before I continue, let me first admit that I’ve

This bot sucks: Roomba, Alexa, and Siri

We have a new addition to our household. Before you get too excited, it’s not a dog. Regardless of how badly I may want a fluffy friend, David has convinced me, successfully for now, that caring

A Room with a CLUE

The unknown is a frightful beast. It feeds on fret; if it is to remain peaceful and sated, it must be constantly dwelled upon, ideally by a vigilant worrier such as myself. It’s a bitch of

Color me ecstatic

David smiled at me with fascination. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this excited about anything,” he said. This coming from the man who sees me perform an elaborate “happy dance” every time he whips

I should be happy

Today, I feel fine. When I awoke this morning, my heart was beating normally, and my mind was at ease. I wish I could capture this feeling and lock it away. I’d never lose the key

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