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Diary of a Diva

The Little One

Families with babies and families without babies are sorry for each other. — Ed Howe The gestation period had only been three months — from the date I conceived my little one to the moment she

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Techno-lazineess

We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons. — Alfred E. Neuman After searching every aisle, I found David squeezing avocados in

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My Kryptonite

For every man there exists a bait which he cannot resist swallowing. — Friedrich Nietzsche It was a cruel thing to do, but I don’t blame him. I doubt he understood the ramifications of typing those

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Neighborly Love

While the spirit of neighborliness was important on the frontier because neighbors were so few, it is even more important now because our neighbors are so many. — Lady Bird Johnson I was about ten paces

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Hot Stuff

Tell me what you eat, I’ll tell you who you are. — Anthelme Brillat-Savarin I was an occasional user. At least that’s what I told myself. “It’s not that I need it,” I’d say, “it’s that

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Bruise-skis

I had a cold, wet, numb butt; it was nice because I was getting hot. — Heather, Barbarella’s sister Our absurd attempt to produce fire in the wood stove long abandoned, David and I lounged on

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Shore Stop

Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting. — Dave Barry The way my friend Jen tells it, her boyfriend Rob arrived home from work an hour before sunset on

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Psycho Analysis

I envy paranoids; they actually feel people are paying attention to them. — Susan Sontag I didn’t want to see the doctor. I never do. But my options were running out — pills made me stupid

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The Secret

The Secret is not just a moronic hymn to greed and selfishness; it nastily suggests that victims of catastrophe are the authors of their misfortunes. — Catherine Bennett In case any bubble dwellers happen upon this page,

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Conceptual Cuisine

I call it performance art, but my friend Ariel calls it wasting time. History will decide. — Steve Martin as Harris in L.A. Story To me, the word “chocolate” is the penultimate attention-grabber, second only to “There’s

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