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Diary of a Diva
Hard-Drive Panic
User, n. The word computer professionals use when they mean “idiot.” — Dave Barry The initial symptoms of a massive failure, such as a heart attack or stroke — a sore arm, a bit of vertigo
Vest-ment
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working for one. — Bill Gates David’s brother Dana and I stood side by side, surveying the items arranged on his mother’s kitchen table. At one end,
Daddy’s Girls
Old as she was, she still missed her daddy sometimes. — Gloria Naylor Like a good amateur psychologist, when I encounter a hot mess of a woman I immediately look to her father. More often than
Panty Party
Brevity is the soul of lingerie. — Dorothy Parker Most of the “lingerie parties” I’ve attended have featured women arriving in their finest lace or leather thongs and teddies. But the invitation on my desk was
Mac Down
The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese. — G.K. Chesterton It was not an invitation — it was a challenge. It didn’t say “Mac and Cheese Party,” it said, “Mac and Cheese
Legally Blind
Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses. — Dorothy Parker When I was six years old I had an imaginary friend named Jesus. Like most children, I attributed nearly everything that happened or didn’t
Tea High
Tea to the English is really a picnic indoors. — Alice Walker Mom had been exercising her pinkie for three days. She told me the exhaustive sets of pinkie-extensions were in preparation for her first “high
A Diva Walks Into a Bar…
A good writer is not, per se, a good book critic. No more so than a good drunk is automatically a good bartender. — Jim Bishop There are two kinds of women: those who don’t mind
Big Girl Outing
If sisters were free to express how they really feel, parents would hear this: “Give me all the attention and all the toys and send Rebecca to live with Grandma.” — Linda Sunshine David staggered out
Heaven and Hell
Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. — Woody Allen I led David to the nose of the ferry — it was a gusty day and the sea was choppy, so the ride was
