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Read & Weep

Prank Queen

  April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four. — Mark Twain I rolled over, reached my arm out from beneath the

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Watch Yourself, Boy

No animal ever invented anything so bad as drunkenness — or so good as drink. — Lord Chesterton I pilfered a Diet Dr. Pepper from my friend’s fridge. A couple of people were drinking red wine

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Just a Place

You can never go home again, but the truth is you can never leave home, so it’s all right. — Maya Angelou Forget marriage — my commitment with my man was consummated the day we followed

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Wrecked People

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not. — Dr. Seuss My jaw hung down in disbelief. New images of the cataclysm were pouring in faster than

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Cookie Momster

Forced capitalism mixed with equal parts fear and guilt and junk-food vice is a darn fine way to make your way in the world. — Mark Morford It’s not hard to find a source for guilty

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Ketchup or Shut-Up

Condiments are like old friends — highly thought of, but often taken for granted. — Marilyn Kaytor I waited until the bartender was distracted and then went to work as quickly as possible. “Whoa, there —

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War Paint

Society can exist only on the basis that there is some amount of polished lying and that no one says exactly what he thinks. — Lin Yutang I stood beside David in the atrium on the

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A Pug He Is Not

I’ve noticed if you’re a pug owner, you’re pug crazy. — Crystal Key ‘Is that a pig or a pug?” asked the little girl. “It’s a pug in a pig costume,” I said. “If you look

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Hipstrels

Ah, good taste, what a dreadful thing! Taste is the enemy of creativeness. — Pablo Picasso I mustered the energy to lift my head from the spot on the wall that had been holding it up

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Stupid Chick’s Lucky

Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live. — Mark Twain My first reaction upon seeing the girl and her bicycle on the hood of my car was shock. I stared forward in

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