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Blog Archives

Kids Are Loud

I try to visit my family in segments — a sister here, a parent there, I break them down into manageable numbers. On rare occasions, such as birthdays and holidays, I must see them all at

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Cookie Momster

Forced capitalism mixed with equal parts fear and guilt and junk-food vice is a darn fine way to make your way in the world. — Mark Morford It’s not hard to find a source for guilty

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In The Hostage Zone

What is a home without children? Quiet. — Henny Youngman I didn’t even have a chance to finish saying “Yo” before Jane cut me off — “Help,” she said. I could tell by the panic in

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The Village Pig

I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. — Winston Churchil Bella held a mini carrot over the pygmy pig’s head, but as the animal’s mouth

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Seismic Sensation

We learn geology the morning after the earthquake. — Ralph Waldo Emerson I felt the tremor in my feet before I heard the familiar groan in the walls — my home bracing itself for a shake. Pre-tremble creak

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Insidious Infection

In the nineteenth century, men lost their fear of God and acquired a fear of microbes. — Author Unknown Swine flu is tearing my family apart. Okay, maybe not the flu itself so much as the

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The secret of dealing successfully with a child is not to be its parent. — Mell Lazarus Had it not been for the unmistakable racket of a wailing child and the desperate, hushed tone of a

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Receiving Bella

The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old. —Joan Kerr Bella approached the refrigerator with cautious curiosity. “Are you thirsty, honey?” I

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Junk Talk

What’s the big mystery? It’s my vagina, not the sphinx! — Miranda on Sex and the City We were at Target, a store Jane hits up an average of three times a week. While Jane and I

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Lollipop Guild

Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children. — George Bernard Shaw Bella was the first to notice me. She waved one hand high above her head and used the other to

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